Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
