No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
