wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
