just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
