New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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