He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
