Duck Duck Cougar?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
