shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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