My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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