im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
