I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
