my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize