Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
