you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
