the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
