He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
