You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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