sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
