ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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