some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize