Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
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I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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