so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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