I'm sorry my penis didn't work
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
