Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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