Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You're completely useless in the revolution.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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