is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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