we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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