how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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