Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
