We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
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Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
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the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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