I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
