its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
