Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize