so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
