Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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