this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
