I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So much rum. So many feels.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
