I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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