You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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