Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
