is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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