I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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