Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
