Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
