Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
