I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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