I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
