OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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