I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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