When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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