should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
