How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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