The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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