he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
