Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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