yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
