please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
