You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
