I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just gift wrapped bread.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
