so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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